but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
