I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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