My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
