Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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