Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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