i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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