no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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