Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
