i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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