I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
