Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
