I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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