Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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