what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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