Will you blow on my dice?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
