Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
