I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
