So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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