I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
