I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
