Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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