i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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