apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
