Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
