We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
