The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
