Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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