I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
