I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
