Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've blown a few things in my day
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
