ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
