This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
