dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
