I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
