You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
