Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
