did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
