I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
