hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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