Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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