why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
