Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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