Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
