Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
