awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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