New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
