she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
