he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
