wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
