I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They took my balls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
