Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
