he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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