We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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