the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
