If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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