My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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