Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
