That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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