Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize