I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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