I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
