ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
