everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
