You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
