What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
