I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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