come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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